Suicde Is A Bright Idea

To be clear, I don’t endorse suicide. I value life and consider the act of someone taking theirs (from themselves and others) to be among the greatest of all possible tragedies. Nonetheless, I fully understand the ways in which suicide is a tremendously bright idea. To explain...

You see, many therapists fear those moments when a client admits to thoughts of suicide. We’re trained to respond to such confessions with a sense of alarm — to perform risk assessments, consider immediate hospitalization or, at the very least, get a signed “no-harm contract” to help protect the client from themselves.

We’ve been conditioned to view suicidal thoughts as something exclusively negative, a sign of mental or emotional illness necessitating dire worry, concern, and intervention. In fact, this seems so obviously the case to the vast majority of laypersons and professionals that rarely do any of us stop to further evaluate our preconceptions. This becomes problematic when, in our haste to intervene, we overlook the tremendously positive aspects of suicidal thoughts.

First and foremost, when I say that “suicide is a bright idea”, the key word here is idea. Suicide is NOT a bright action, primarily due to the fact that it is irreversible, but it is definitely a bright idea. Think about it.

If someone were to tell you that they want to stop suffering, would you consider this to be a wise idea on their part? Of course! Well, this is precisely the true meaning behind a suicidal thought. It’s the pronouncement that, “I want to stop suffering.”

So why is it that people tend to linger in feelings of shock, shame, or guilt when they catch themselves — or another— having suicidal thoughts? In reality, such thoughts can be seen as a blessing, a megaphone blaring, “I am so sick and tired of living this way that I’m ready to take drastic action!” This is certainly a healthy ambition, one very much worth celebrating, nurturing, and supporting.

I’m never going to be alarmed when someone tells me that they’re having suicidal thoughts. Actually, in counseling, this is exactly what I most want to hear from clients — that they’re strongly motivated to take some sort of action to alleviate their suffering. Perfect! Instead of rushing into triage-mode when talk of suicide arises, I simply help my client understand what it is they are truly seeking, not death, but freedom, freedom from suffering.

Because I know that I am able to offer an alternative avenue to their true goal — freedom from suffering— I simply join them as an ally on their current pursuit; I will assist them. This assistance will just be through a different pathway than the one they currently believe is their only option.

Another point I’d like to highlight around the notion of suicide being a bright idea is that, during my time as a therapist, I’ve consistently noticed something. Particularly intelligent — particularly bright — people seem most prone to having suicidal thoughts, especially in cases involving teenagers, young adults and, on some occasions, children. This is potentially due to the fact that, underneath the surface of suicidal ideation, there typically stirs an intimidating medley of deeply philosophical queries, thoughts that rationally question the meaning of life, the purpose of existence, and the fundamental nature of self in relation to all that surrounds them.

Not everyone feels compelled to address such existential food for thought. The brighter the mind, the more likely it is to explore these rich and emotionally weighty metaphysical waters. Being intelligent to this degree can indeed be burdensome. It can cause individuals to lose their innocence/ignorance about life, death, and one’s individual relevance amidst the vast infinitude of time and space. This often results in feelings of isolation, despondency and, yes, contemplations of suicide. Thankfully, such intelligence can also be a great asset, once properly guided and channeled toward the development and deepening of wisdom.

Besides intelligence, I’ve also noticed that those who possess tremendous compassion — the emotionally bright—can similarly lose their innocence/ignorance when the shadow side of humanity is suddenly and disturbingly revealed to them. Such individuals may, as a result, experience a profound feeling of heartbreak so severe that, at least temporarily, they feel that suicide would be preferable to participating in a world that contrasts so greatly with their prior perception. This was actually the case for me personally.

At the age of 25, despite the fact that I was happy and enjoying my life immensely, something happened that catapulted me into a state of despair. All I did was watch a certain documentary film, but had found the content so horrifying that, for many days thereafter, I observed myself feeling genuinely suicidal. Instead of mistaking these thoughts for a desire to harm myself, however, I decided to recognize them as a reflection of my tender and caring heart. I next decided that I could best honor this heart of mine, not by opting out of my life, but by trying to somehow play a small role in improving what I had realized was the unsatisfactory — and sometimes unthinkably cruel — world in which I lived. Once understood in this way, my own suicidal thoughts became a source of inspiration rather than dismay.

Those with above average intelligence and/or above average compassion are particularly vulnerable to having suicidal thoughts at some point in their lives. For both, the challenge remains always the same: to further cultivate these extraordinary qualities that exist within themselves.

The intelligent can nurture the wisdom to discover meaning within that which appears meaningless; the compassionate can nurture the loving-kindness to contribute toward creating a more loving, just, and harmonious humanity. The important thing is to recognize that thoughts of suicide are not only normal, but a transient way-station upon a much larger journey and, as a result, to simply keep going, keep growing.

I firmly believe that the vastest majority of human beings — if not all — will, at one or more points in their lives, at least briefly entertain the idea of suicide, even if the thought is fleeting or merely occurs in the form of a hypothetical. Unfortunately, given the taboo surrounding suicide, few people are willing to openly admit this for fear of alarming those around them.

As a society, we hold firm to the belief that thoughts of suicide are unacceptable. As a result, those who have suicidal thoughts are inclined to feel abnormal, like they are somehow broken or flawed, which further amplifies their sense of anguish and shame. Instead, I look forward to the day when our perspective on suicidal thoughts — not suicide itself, mind you — evolves to the point where we recognize them not only as normal and okay, but actually bright.

In the end, whenever I hear someone admit to thoughts of suicide, I spy cause for celebration. I celebrate that the person before me has admitted that they no longer want to suffer. There’s no reason to blame them for not knowing how to more effectively achieve the relief they desire; that’s my area of expertise, not theirs. Plus, I now learn that this person possesses significant intelligence, compassion, or both. Intelligence and compassion? I honestly cannot imagine a better combination of qualities in a client.

IF YOU ARE HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

> Understand that it is not death you want, but relief from suffering and, beyond this, to live a fulfilling life.

> Recognize that your desire to not suffer doesn’t make you suicidal; it makes you normal.

> Instead of thinking that there is something wrong with you, celebrate that there is something right instead, since the desire to not suffer is a noble and worthy ambition that you possess. Be proud to have this desire and start nurturing it.

> Forgive yourself for not knowing how to liberate yourself from suffering. If suicide is the best idea you’ve come up with so far, know that alternative options exist, even if you’re not exactly sure what these are.

> Find someone who can show you how to achieve your true goal of relief and happiness, knowing that you deserve this. Be a friend to yourself in this way.

IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

> Understand that this person actually doesn’t desire death, but is seeking relief from suffering and simply doesn’t know how else to achieve it.

> Instead of responding with a sense of alarm and fearfulness–which would only reinforce this person’s sense of there being something wrong with them–let them know that you’re proud of them, that you recognize their desire for happiness and celebrate this as a wonderful thing.

> Avoid pity or sympathy. Remember, you’re proud of this person for wanting to be happy. Focus on what’s so very right about this.

> Resist the temptation to convince this person that life is worth living. Although this is true, doing so will only invalidate this person’s experience of suffering, further alienate them, and make them feel even guiltier about the thoughts they are having. You want them to feel better about themselves, not worse.

> Lend a hand by connecting this person with someone who can genuinely help them, rather than trying to take this task on yourself. Do some research to find a professional that has expertise in dealing with suicidal clients. Call around, ask questions, do the legwork. Once you find someone, inspire your loved one to meet with this person by instilling confidence that, with a little guidance, they’ll be able to achieve their true goal.

> More than anything else, normalize their experience. Let this person know that there is nothing wrong or unusual about having suicidal thoughts upon occasion. What matters is that we understand these thoughts as opportunities to evolve into the people we want to be.

TO RECAP, SUICIDE IS A BRIGHT IDEA (NOT ACTION) BECAUSE. . .

> Suicidal thoughts are not actually a desire for death, but a deep desire for relief from suffering.

> This desire to stop suffering is definitely a bright idea.

> Suicidal thoughts are often a sign of intelligence: a bright mind.

> Suicidal thoughts are often a sign of compassion: a bright heart.

> These qualities make someone an ideal candidate for the achievement of deep and enduring happiness.