My Drug-Free Insomnia Remedy
Sleep is one of the primary contributors to physical wellness and mood. Having just survived two years of having infants in our bedroom, my wife and I know this all too well. When either of us don't get enough sleep, we inevitably grow more testy and irritable. Of course, being awakened by hungry babies is not the same as having insomnia, but the point remains: sleep matters. It matters so much so that, whenever a client complains about having insomnia, I never fail to share my secret remedy which (by the way) has never failed for me personally. I've used it hundreds of times with flawless results.
Before explaining this approach, a little disclaimer. Physiology matters. If you drink a large cup of coffee before bed, your body will likely be too stimulated for this strategy (or any other) to work. So, let's assume that you're physically tired, want to get a good night of rest, but find yourself tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep (or are woken prematurely in the middle of the night and having difficulty returning to sleep). What do you do?
Chances are good you do everything you can to fall asleep. You try different positions, rearrange your pillow, maybe get up and do some reading or grab a bite to eat before returning to bed to try again. This struggle can get frustrating very quickly. All you want to do is fall asleep. Ugh! Paradoxically, the fact that you're trying so hard to fall is asleep is your first mistake. So, the first instruction for my insomnia remedy is this:
Step One: Stop trying to fall asleep
The human mind is a trickster that has a strange sense of humor. It delights in undermining our best intentions, gleefully asserting its independence from our control.
It's like a rebellious teenager in this way. When we tell an anxious mind to stop being anxious, our anxiety grows. When we tell ourselves to stop feeling depressed, we sink deeper into depression. And, when we tell our insomniac brain to shut up and sleep, it says, "Screw you! You can’t tell me what to do. I'm staying awake." If we really want to fall asleep, the key is to out-trick our trickster.
Step Two: Commit to Staying Awake
Commit, wholeheartedly, to not falling asleep. For example, whenever I want to begin duping my trickster, I proclaim something like, "Ah, I see that you want to be awake right now. Okay, in that case, here's what we're going to do, we're going to stay awake all night long." Now, this is just our starting point, a pivotal shift in intentionality that serves as the foundation for what is to follow.
Mind you, staying awake all night isn't difficult if we rely upon stimulants like chemical substances, spending time on our phone or computer, or turning on the lights and engaging in activities. No, since we aren’t actually trying to stay awake all night, we don't want to make it too easy for us to succeed in this newly-stated ambition of ours. After all, if we are successful, we won't get the sleep we desire. We are committing to staying awake all night so that, ultimately, we can fall asleep. This is called paradoxical intention, and it works.
Our trickster brain, however, is not an idiot. It's not going to be easily fooled into believing our goal is to stay awake when it knows that what we really want is to fall asleep. It can smell a con game a mile away. If we are insincere in our desire to stay awake, our trickster will detect this. As such, it's essential that we give our trickster a legitimate reason for our sudden desire to stay awake. If we don’t have an honest motivation for wanting to stay awake, the trickster will know we’re lying to it. This brings is to:
Step Three: Seek to witness the first light of dawn
Unless we are sleeping in a windowless room or have black-out curtains, our bedroom is going to have a measure of ambient light in it. During the height of day, our bedroom is going to be brighter (even with the lights off) than it is at night. Assuming that our insomnia is occurring at night, once morning arrives, the ambient light in our bedroom will have dramatically changed. At some point, probably around 5 o'clock or so, there will be an exact moment when this ambient light will first start to shift away from darkness into a state of greater light.
Now, let's call this moment the single most beautiful moment of any day, a moment of truly superior magnificence, an absolutely perfect moment of stillness when everything in existence resonates in a state of profound, meaningful, and otherworldly harmony. Hunger to bear witness to this moment, committing—with total sincerity—to noticing the precise instant when the ambient light in your bedroom first begins to brighten, even just slightly. This becomes our new goal, the true reason behind our desire to stay awake all night long. We’ve stopped wanting to fall asleep altogether; now all we want to do is to stay awake and witness that most spectacular of moments.
Step Four: Don’t move
No more tossing or turning or trying to find the best position to usher ourselves into slumber. We find a comfortable position and stay there, permanently. At this point, we can imagine ourselves like a sniper of sorts, laying in wait for our target to appear. If we move, it will only arouse suspicion and alert our prey. Our physical stillness is key.
Step Five: Focus on the air
Our goal is to immediately notice the exact moment the ambient light in our bedroom subtly shifts from night to day. This will take extreme vigilance on our part. Being successful at this (which is now our true goal) won't be easy. It will require a special type of focus that (dare I say) will push our brain to its cognitive limits. It’s is not the type of focus we normally use throughout our waking life. Ordinarily, we focus on individual objects in the physical world. When we do this, our eyes work in together to land upon a common focal point. This is not what we are doing here. Now, in trying to witness this one miraculous moment, what we’re focusing on isn't any physical object. We’re looking at the light and air in our bedroom. In a way, we’re looking at nothingness.
Trying to focus on nothingness presents our brain (and our trickster) with a highly atypical challenge. To explore what I mean by this, take a moment to look away from this article. Lift your gaze and focus on the air around you. Really see it. Try to see all the moving molecules and ions bouncing around in space. As you do this, what happens to your eyes? They naturally widen, separating from one another, as if focusing on an imaginary object that is far off in the distance, and your stare softens. This is the type of vision that this insomnia remedy relies upon. Instead of relying upon hte binocular vision we do doing our waking life, we task our eyes with what is called parallel vision, where the alignment of our eyes is decoupled as if viewing separate objects. It’s the type of vision used to see hidden images within stereograms like this one here:
Looking at this image with binocular vision doesn’t amount to much; it just looks like a mishmash of colors and squiggles. With parallel vision, however, a three-dimensional image emerges. Can you tell what this one is? On a small screen, it may be harder to see but I tested this one out myself, so I know it's a good one. I almost immediately see the airplane here.
When I first encountered a stereogram (also called magic eye) in the window of a Seattle gallery in the summer of 1993, I struggled for a half an hour before I was able to finally see the 3D image hidden within it. After that, however, the skill became easier and easier for me. Nowadays I can see stereograms in a matter of seconds. If you want to learn more about how to improve your ability to see images like this one, check out this article.
Anyway, this is the vision you want to use to see that extraordinary moment of shifting ambient light (instead of fruitlessly trying to fall asleep). You just lay in bed with all the lights off, pick a comfortable position and stay in it, keep your eyes wide open, and "focus" on the light and air of the room, wholeheartedly committing to see the exact moment when darkness first begins to transition into the light of dawn. What a sight that will be! But here’s the hardest—and also most important—part.
Final Step: Do not let your eyes close!!!
I cannot overemphasize how important it is to genuinely want to be successful at staying awake to see the earliest sign of dawn. Completely forget that your goal is to fall asleep. "If I'm going to stay awake, then so be it. I'm going to at least make it worth my while by seeing this subtle yet exceptional moment. And if tomorrow I feel exhausted because of it, then that's okay. I'll survive and it'll be easier to fall asleep tomorrow night. No big deal. Plus, because I'm not moving, at least my physical body is rejuvenating, even if my mind is not." Try your hardest to stay awake all night long to witness the instant the darkness of night first gains a lighter hue.
Now you're committed. Your eyes are intentionally wide open (not wanting to miss anything) and everything around you is dark and quiet. Of course, your mind is still at least somewhat busy and thoughts are arising and passing. While staying focused on the air, don't chase these thoughts. Instead, reiterate to yourself: I'm just watching the air... watching the air... watching the air...
Your eyes will start to close.
Don't let them!
If you think, "Oh good, it's working!", you'll immediately tip your hand to the trickster and all bets will be off. You’ll be alert once again. Instead, push your eyelids open when they start to close, each and every time. Get stubborn. Fight with all your might to accomplish this goal of staying awake, through sheer will, without the aid of stimulants, diversions, or amusements. Through determination alone, refuse to fall asleep!
When we do this, with full sincerity, our mischievous trickster tackles a new mission. It becomes, as always, hell-bent on showing us who’s boss and, as such, will do everything in its power to thwart our efforts to stay awake. And, guess what. It'll win, because—honestly—we are no match for it. It’s the boss (even when we are able to trick it into doing our bidding).
Morning Arrives
Before you know it, you will be waking up in the morning, unable to even remember when or how it was you fell asleep.
Dang it! That rascally, little trickster did it to me again!
Last night, I shared this insomnia remedy with a client. Astutely he asked, "Has this worked for anyone else you've taught this to?" Good question! I confessed that it hadn't. Ha! But the reason for this is not that this remedy doesn't work (I know from personal experience that it does), but because it is so subtly difficult to effectively implement. After all, for it to work, you have to not use it for the goal of falling asleep. This sincere changing of priorities is one reason it's so challenging. The second reason it's so challenging comes from the role that parallel vision plays in it, which doesn't come naturally to a lot of folks. [Update: Since first writing this article, I have found several clients with chronic insomnia that now regularly and effectively use this method to fall asleep.]
With practice, I am confident that you can become supremely adept at using this insomnia remedy.
Sweet dreams!
Review: Dr. Fischer’s Drug-Free Insomnia Cure
Stop trying to fall asleep.
Commit to staying awake in order to see the exact moment when the ambient light in your room first starts to brighten.
Choose a comfortable position and stay in it. Don't move. (I rest on my side with my hands under my pillow.)
Keep your eyes wide open, staring at the air only. Nothing else matters. Ignore all objects in the room.
Every time your eyes start to close, force them open. Refuse to fall asleep. "No, I can do this!"
Wake up in the morning, jokingly upset that you failed in your quest to witness the arrival of dawn.