Category Trust

Why Lying Is Okay

So many relationships suffer with trust issues. In fact, only the very most extraordinary relationships—relationships founded upon true harmony and intimacy—are exempt from patterns of dishonesty and mistrust. Sometimes it may be only small things that partners lie to one another about. For instance, you might casually ask your partner, “What are you doing?”, to which she replies, “Nothing” or “Responding to work emails”, when the truth is that she’s on Facebook, for the twentieth time today. Why the lie? Because she knows how you feel about her infatuation with social networking. Or perhaps your partner lies about something bigger. “Did you smoke today?” meets with, “Of course not. It didn’t even cross my mind!”, when actually he’s hiding a newly-opened pack of cigarettes in his glove compartment, right beside the travel-sized bottle of mouthwash he purchased along with it. Why the lies? Well, I’ll tell you.

How Much Privacy is Too Much Privacy?

Trust is a major issue that commonly comes up in couples counseling, especially in cases where one or both partners have experienced infidelity in the past. If we want others to trust us, then we decide to trust them, trust them enough to hide nothing from them. In particular, we trust that they will not react emotionally to discovering a certain piece of information related to us. Because we want extraordinary relationships, we choose to remain transparent. Because we want extraordinary relationships, we forego privacy, certain that we prefer being discovered over remaining hidden, certain that we prefer being known over remaining unknown.