Jason’s Articles

The original writings of Jason B. Fischer, MA, LPC (all rights reserved)

5 Gutsy Things to Say on Valentine’s Day

It never hurts to tell your partner “I love you” or whisper a seductive compliment to him or her, especially on Valentine’s Day. That said, there are some other, more unexpected things you might confess that could surprise your partner with your emotional depth and sophistication. This Valentine’s Day, try sparking some romantic conversation with one of the following, at first somewhat baffling, statements.

1. “You are a mystery to me.”

Then elaborate. Tell your partner that you recognize that she is always evolving and that, because you understand this, you are committed to discovering her brand new self in every moment. Let her know that you are honored to have the opportunity to witness her growth throughout life. Admit your intention to never take her for granted or assume you have her “all figured out”. I never want to stop discovering you for who you are right now and who you are becoming.

2. “I don’t need you.”

Before your partner throws a glass of water at you, add that, “I want you.” Tell him that this relationship is a choice for you, a choice you make every day, not because you have to, but because you want to. Talk about how neediness creates a sense of codependency that adds stress to a relationship, the type of stress that has no place in the beautiful partnership you share with one another. I want you to know I am with you because it is a choice for me, one that I make, gladly, every day of my life.

3. “You don’t make me happy.”

Again, be quick, so as to avoid a dousing. Explain to your partner that you understand that your happiness comes from within yourself and it’s not her job to “make you” happy. Assure your partner that you take complete responsibility for your own happiness in life, so that she doesn’t have to feel compelled to do it for you and she can better focus her energy on creating her own happiness. I’m very happy being with you and I promise to keep nurturing my own happiness so that I can share this with you every day. 

 4. “You have a ton of flaws.”

Before your partner grabs the steak knife, add, “And that’s a beautiful thing.” Let your partner know that you will never expect him to be perfect and that you embrace him completely, exactly as is. Tell him you know that he isn’t always going to do or say things that are completely to your liking and that, in the end, this is simply unavoidable and okay.  You are flawed and so am I. What matters is that we respect and appreciate one another whenever our flaws appear. Together, we can keep growing with one another, as a team.

 5. “I like you.”

Try this alternative to “I love you” and see what happens. Your partner probably already knows that you love her (because you’ve said so plenty of times before), but does she know you genuinely like her? Liking is an uncomplicated, highly authentic, emotional experience that expresses a feeling of enjoyment and appreciation with no strings attached. Liking something or someone feels sublime, as does the experience of being liked.  In many ways, liking is even more rewarding than loving. It’s less messy, less needy, less dramatic, and more playful. When you tell your partner “I like you”, do so from a heartfelt space, connecting with all the reasons this is true. Actually experience how deeply you like your partner; feel it. Then you might add, Realizing how much I like you reminds me of just how much I love you. Waiter, check please!

Unexpected statements such as these may seem shocking at first, but make a lot of sense when understood on a deeper level. Anyone can stick to the usual Valentine’s Day script. Take a chance and try something new. Aim for the relationship you have with your partner to transcend the ordinary, taking a stand to make your partnership something extra-ordinary instead, a relationship filled not only with love, but wisdom as well.


 

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